Spitting image

I was stuck in traffic in Dublin city centre the other day – no, really – when a girl of about twenty walked past my trapped car. I looked up just as she drew level and was fortunate enough to catch the precise moment when she decided to void her nasal cavities all over the footpath. First she furrowed her brow and wrinkled her nose as though she had just smelled something foul. Then she raised her chin, frowned like Judge Dredd and, well, hawked. I heard it above the general city din and through my closed window. HAWWWWWWWK. My stomach had no sooner begun to flip than she pursed her lips and expelled whatever goopey material her exertions had gathered together. The projectile hit the ground with an audible splat and, I swear to you, it bounced. Am I the only one who finds this deeply erotic? No wait, not erotic, what’s the word I want … oh yeah, revolting. I presume not. I presume that anyone with a modicum of civility finds the idea of women gobbing snot on the footpath utterly repellent. But here’s the rub – is it any more repellent than the idea of men doing likewise? Is it sexist to even propose such a notion? I don’t know. On the one hand, bad behaviour is bad behaviour. On the other hand, we expect better from women, don’t we? But then again, that’s sexist in itself. Damn, this is giving me a headache. The whole thing is a moral minefield and I’m sorry I brought it up. But she brought it up first.

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